


Cruel To Be Kind

by Rod



Series: Parallel Lines [7]
Category: Veritas: The Quest
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-21
Updated: 2013-04-21
Packaged: 2017-12-09 03:47:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/769603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rod/pseuds/Rod
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Calvin keeps his distance.  It hurts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cruel To Be Kind

Cal's succeeding, he thinks. It's twisting him up inside, but he's managing to keep Nikko at a distance.

It's taking a combination of arrogance and insults that's straight out of Nikko's own book, ironically. Cal isn't proud of that, doesn't like making himself look like an asshole, but it seems to be the only way to get Nikko out of his hair, and that in turn is the only way to make sure Nikko never gets wind of his feelings.

He's not doing so well on convincing himself that it's just a crush. He doesn't want to have more than a passing fancy for his boss' son, that's just asking for trouble. Hell, he doesn't want to have fallen for a guy at all, but what he wants and what he feels seem to be two different things these days.

No matter how much he tells himself that his feelings for Nikko are nothing serious, that they'll go away as time and familiarity bring him back to reality, Cal has this sinking feeling that he's fighting a losing battle with himself. Every time he reminds himself that Nikko's just a pretty face, he also remembers the quick mind and defiant spirit that go with that admittedly hot body. Every time he notes that Nikko's being a brat, he has to acknowledge that it's because he started it. Every time Nikko does something fantastically stupid... well, he hasn't done anything fantastically stupid for a while now.

Cal is so screwed.

But they don't have time for this, so Cal keeps pushing Nikko away and lives in the hope that he'll eventually learn how to push his feelings away as well. He plays up the fact that Nikko's still too young for some things, insults his choices in anything he can, acts as superior as he doesn't feel any more, and generally starts verbal fights to keep Nikko at arm's length. Because the one thing that he's absolutely certain of, even as the rest of his objections crumble, is that it's a one way thing.

Nikko isn't interested in him. Nikko's straight, for God's sake, look at the way he flirts with Juliet. Of course, Cal flirts with Juliet too and he knows he's not entirely straight, but that's different. Cal's flirting with Juliet to forget Nikko. It isn't working, and it isn't fair on Juliet either, but it's all he's got. He'd be more worried about hurting Juliet if she wasn't so wrapped up in Nikko herself, and he's not even going to think about the twisted deal that his subconscious is trying to make of that little mess.

Still, Cal can't help wishing... and he knows that way lies madness, but he can't help it. Nikko really has grown up in the months since Cal first met him, and when he forces himself to be honest about it Cal has to admit that he likes what he sees. While Nikko will probably always need the attention he hasn't had since his mother died, he has learned to be part of a team, to trust others to do what he can't. Cal feels kind of guilty about betraying a small part of that trust, but he tells himself that it's in Nikko's best interest as well as his own. It's in the team's best interest that Cal forces himself to get over this now, before it can poison things between them.

If it's not already poisoning things, and if he can get over it. Cal tries really hard not to think about either possibility, but he's still got that sinking feeling. He's got to believe that he can fix this, that he can control himself, but it's getting harder.

He's succeeding, he has to believe that. So he keeps on pushing and sniping and convincing himself that it's all for the best, even as he kills himself a little more with every insult.


End file.
